time ???

yep, i'm a total slacker when it comes to this blog. sorry. i honestly have kinda been thinking about giving it up. & really only 2 of you read this, but it still is such a great way to keep a record of our lives. & as my sister says "you of all people should be blogging!" being so distant is pretty tough.

so an update. lena is a crazy, wonderful, strong-willed, independent, cuddly, curious, sweet, funny, sleeping in her crib all through the night, walking, almost running toddler. yep. i can't believe it. at almost 14 months now & she's getting her molars (so fun), she's waving, giving high fives, giving kisses, playing with the trash & the toilet (yuck), eating pretty well & dribbling jeff's soccer ball all through the house. we go on play dates, we go to the pool, we go to the library, all kinds of fun stuff. it's pretty great.

& yes, we had a major break through! she is sleeping all night in her crib! we finally found a system that worked (that didn't require major amounts of crying!) so she's been going strong now for 2 weeks! (hopefully i'm not jinxing it by talking about it)

other than that nothing else really... jeff's training & playing soccer a lot, i'm addicted to pintrest.... i've been cooking like a mad woman (so many yummy recipes) & being totally crafty (ha! in my mind.... haven't really gotten to as many as i'd like, but i've "pinned" a ton & feel really productive after seeing all the crafty things i'll get to do.... if i ever get off pintrest). um, what else... we're planning a trip to australia soon. & basically just being blown away at how fast things are going! i mean we have less than a year on guam!! & i'm really really liking guam again. loved it when we got here. hated it when i was pregnant & lena was first here & now all i think about are the things i'll miss when we're gone. the palm trees, the weather, the coconuts, the beach, the friends, jeff's co-workers.... i mean guam is lena's birthplace & it really is this special out of the way, way across the world, escape from the usual kinda place. i wonder if lena will ever get a chance to come back & visit when she's older? who knows. but looking forward to the next assignment.... will it be europe? will it be west coast? please don't let it be alaska. don't even say it.

ok. rant is over. here are a couple videos of the sweet girl....

listen to her high pitched silly laugh & then i apologize for the tilted view, jeff corrects the camera half way through, oh & yes lena steps on spilt cheerios on the floor. that's how she has her snack. yes i let my kid eat of the floor.... doesn't everyone? please don't tell anyone. really.

an exhausted feeling of accomplishment

scene: nightfall, guest bedroom recovery house

characters: baby ballerina, mommy ballerina with guest artist & help du jour - grandpa

the bad guys: an injured knee & crutches, a too hot & too small bed in a house that isn't ours, an irritating cold with runny noses & coughs, an impatient mommy with a short temper & need for sleep

scene 1:

baby ballerina is down for the night in her crib. she awakens. she is carried by grandpa into the bedroom of mommy ballerina, where she joins mommy & nurses for a bit & falls asleep. mommy falls asleep a long 45 minutes later.

scene 2:

baby ballerina is restless.... tossing & turning & waking mommy ballerina. this continues for 45 minutes. baby ballerina decides to do her exercises..... lunge, kick, turn, toss, crawl, kick, squirm, push, bounce, kick (emphasis on kicking). this continues for 45 minutes. mommy ballerina is awake & tired but calmly & quietly wrangling the excited, energized baby. then baby ballerina's mood turns sour as she cries, wails, & screams. this continues for 45 minutes. all the while grandpa is waiting outside the room, concerned for the ballerinas.

scene 3:

mommy ballerina quietly holds baby ballerina as she nears the end of her crying spell. they cuddle, nurse & baby ballerina starts to drift off. but she awakens again & cries & coughs & coughs & cries. they snuggle & nurse again. finally baby ballerina is asleep. mommy ballerina tries to drift off, all the while feeling relieved & proud as she did not raise her voice, get frustrated or upset during the middle of the night scenes.

synopsis...... so i'm writing about this because i feel like i was the mom i wanted to be last night. the previous night the same scenario happened but my reaction was way different. lena has been sick & not sleeping well & i've been sick & tired & am frustrated with these crutches. the night before was a chaotic mix of lena crying or playing around, me irritatingly snapping at her about why she won't sleep, grandpa running lena back to her crib, back to my bed, back to the crib, back to the bed & none of us had a good night. so even though i am tired & i really want her to sleep more tonight, i feel a sense of accomplishment that i quietly, calmly dealt with her erratic lack of sleep problem. i was quiet the whole time, minus a few times at the end when i comforted her as she was crying. i just kinda let her do her thing.... was there to protect her from rolling off the bed, but did not give into her crying, did not try to make her do anything, i just sat there & let her experience what she was going to go through. i am not really up for letting her cry it out at night, which many people suggest i do. i just don't feel right about it. & we haven't totally ditched the sleeping in the big bed. before the surgery we were close to all night in her crib, but now that i can't easily carry her to her crib after night nursing, i kinda just let her stay in bed with me. i like the closeness with her, but man, this girl is big... & pushy & takes up the whole bed. so i think once i can walk again we'll get back to the all night crib thing. i'll let ya know how that goes..... here's a good article about crying it out..... i think a lot of this applies for long periods of crying, but still i just can't handle her crying for too long.....

that'll show you

ok, so i shoulda kept my big mouth shut.... after cheerfully sharing, um.... bragging, that lena slept 7 hours straight in her crib on facebook, she has decided to show us who's boss by not sleeping in her crib at night again..... sad face here. yep, that night of 7 blissful hours was followed the next night, by one, yes one hour in her crib & the rest of the night spent back in the big kid bed so us parents could get some sleep. and again last night, same thing.... she won't stay in her crib.... i put her down, she sleeps for about an hour & wakes up & cries. i rock her, put her back down & immediately with the crying again. rock her some more, feed her, put her down.... no bueno..... hmmm......

on a better note, a much cuter, sweet note.... a video of lena laughing! this will melt your heart!

yes!

the past 2 nights have been a success.... she's sleeping in her crib..... but we have yet to see for how long. the night before last, she went down around 9 & i woke her up around 3 to feed her. she was out when i went to get her from the crib. & then last night she went down at 830 & the stupid monitor's battery died around 1230, so i didn't feel ok leaving her in her room by herself without some way of hearing if she was ok. so she came to our bed at that point. BUT, monitors are charged & we are ready for another night! i'm just so happy she is liking her crib! now what are we gonna do when we leave here & go to va? hope she's adaptable!

the good, the bad & the baby

last night was full of 2 notable firsts..... to start, lena is pretty good whenever we're out, not fussy, usually sleeping or at least interested in looking around.... well, that ended last night when jeff & i went to eat at our fav restaurant mermaid tavern (ruby tuesday holds a close second). not shortly after we ordered did the sweet sleepy lena rouse from slumberland & turn into a major fussbutt. ok, she wasn't that bad, but jeff & i had to take turns eating our food as one of us constantly walked her around so she wouldn't start howling again. so the sweet newborn days of constant/ consistent sleep are coming to an end..... ah boy.....

second, & this one is big, lena slept in her crib for part of the night!!!! ok, let me back up & put our embarrassing secret out there. lena sleeps in our bed. gasp! shock! i know, i know, not good.... bad habits, SIDS, accidently elbowing the baby in the head, etc. but it just happened one night when she was around 1 month old & it just was so nice to finally have sleep (she is a fantastic adult bed sleeper) & it was so easy to breast feed & honestly it was so sweet to have her right next to us (she's also a wonderful cuddler). so we kept doing it. & it's great, we all have been sleeping well at nights since she was a month old. (& she hasn't received any el-blows to the noggin.) but in the back of my mind is that little voice saying, "amy, when will she sleep on her own? if you don't start soon, you'll end up with a 5 year old in our bed...." plus i'm also really ashamed to talk about it, but honestly out of the handful of people i've told there has only been one negative commenter, the others have pretty much said, "whatever works for you" ..... to my face & probably much worse behind my back.

SO, anyway, i've been taking baby steps to get her there. starting with consistent napping during the day in her crib. & now that she's comfortable there i think it might be a reality that she'll sleep at night on her own. i put her down last night for a little evening nap at 730 (we all go to bed around 9pm) until she'd wake for the next feeding & then we'd all go to bed together. well 930 rolled around & she was out, so jeff & i just went to bed. took the baby monitor in our room & left lena in hers & i felt certain she'd be awake within a half an hour of us falling asleep, but nope..... she slept until I woke HER up around 1230!!! i just couldn't take it any more, my boobs were rocks & i needed some relief so i had to get her up to feed her, but i wonder just how long she would have slept?

this was surprisingly easy, well for jeff & lena, a little harder for me...... jeff fell asleep right away, but i laid awake most of that time & went in to check that she was still breathing i think at least 3 times. but this is promising! i won't have to go to college with her, she will gain independence!! yay!!

we'll try again tonight & see if she can do it again & then eventually maybe after i nurse her she can go back in the crib & do the whole night sometime soon!! i'll keep you posted! baby steps....