i don't know why, but....

i just started reading some of my previous posts from last year & came across this one & it made me really sad...... i really miss dancing. i feel a little lost without it. i can't really dance right now anyway (not fully because of my belly - no arabesques or port de corps forwards, etc)......... but i don't know when dance will be back. & that makes me want to cry (well i'm tearing up now), but i wish i knew that after the baby i'll return to dancing & teaching. & i'm scared that after these guam years i don't know where we'll be, who will hire me, will i still be able to dance after being "off" for so long? i feel like getting my mfa is a door back into the dance world, but knowing what's in store for us after guam is so unclear right now. i just know i love dance & i'm really missing it.......

oh yeah, florida

so i went to florida when i was stateside..... my second home! took ballet class, got to see my friends & students & spent some great time with my in-laws! went to the beach & watched people look for tar balls.... at that point the beaches were pretty clear of tar, and pretty clear of tourists. so sad that the oil spill had to happen & i hope that full recovery efforts are made for the beautiful gulf. i did lots more shopping & eating, watched world cup matches with my father-in-law & all in all it was a perfect visit! but a short visit & before i knew it i was on a plane back to cali to try to space a back to guam. didn't have much luck out of travis, camped out for 2 days & finally gave up on space a. at that point wasn't feeling very persistent, was sick of hotels & spending money on food & shuttles, so i decided to spend even more money for a commercial flight back. it wasn't too bad & i was happy knowing i had my appointment & my husband (who i missed SO much) to get back to. after the long flights & layovers i made it home & was only jet lagged for a few days. i did think i was allergic to guam though because the 1st 2 days back i spent the mornings puking, which i hadn't done much of the entire trip stateside. so i was certain it was guam that was making me sick, but turns out i think the trip was a lot on my body & baby & i was very thankful that i was in my comfortable home with my familiar toilet & not on a full flight or making my way through the terminal when the puke decided to return.

going home & seeing family & friends was so wonderful & i look forward to the next visit, i'll have a little travel companion by then.....

darby (one of my students) & i after ballet class

my girls! both moved from florida this summer..... maine & vegas....... miss them!

memory lane

so my friend had posted a video of her doing grand pas on her facebook this morning & it brought back a lot of memories...... she was able to go & perform for me last year because i was in the process of moving to guam. (& she did a beautiful job!) but i've been thinking of how much i miss dancing lately. it's nice that i'm able to go another direction with my life & i've wanted to be a mom for a while, so things work out. but i have to say i feel like something is missing...... this is from 08, me & sean, my most favorite partner who just returned from performing with armitage gone at jacob's pillow this summer!

4 years!

jeff & i have been married 4 years today! & it's appropriate that i had a dream last night that we were having another wedding..... it was a small, quirky, funny wedding.... very dream-like.... no bouquets, but i had a massive veil. my sister was there (also wearing white) & we had these funny earrings, very retro & more earrings than we had piercings for.... huh, dreams.... but you know what, i'd do it all over again in a heartbeat (minus the weird earrings)! i love you jeff & am excited about our growing family!!

preggo update

so i'm currently at 19 weeks (photo at 18 weeks) & finally got a doctors appointment for this friday (i'll be 20 weeks). i've been seen once the whole time i've been pregnant..... at 12 weeks. now there is kinda a long story here.... part of this is due to my trip back to the states. i had my 16 week appointment rescheduled for a week & half later so i could spend more time in the states & while i was stateside the clinic called to reschedule the reschedule.... so i had my new date.... july 2 & i would have been 18 weeks. well, turns out there was no appointment then, they had rescheduled me again & put my appointment at june 30, but no one ever called or consulted me. i had no way of knowing that there was any change. so long story short, i'm in the states trying to get back to make it in time for my appointment & i make it back a few days before. well jeff finds out from a friend that he ran into at the gym the day of our "appointment" that there is a change of command that AM & there were no appointments that morning & that i had a no show a week before.

so after calls of trying to reschedule, we finally went in to talk to someone & now we have an appointment! & i hope they removed it from my file that i was a "no show". i bought a commercial ticket back to make sure i was there for my appointment that didn't exist, that's how committed i am. but after all is said & done, i just want to see the doc & make sure baby is healthy & everything is going the way it should....

we might not get an ultrasound on friday, they said it was just a basic check up, but i'm gonna plead with the doc to see the soonest we can get one. supposedly at 20 weeks is an ultrasound & you find out the sex. i really hope they don't push us back too far. my sister has her appointment tomorrow & she'll find out girl or boy! so excited for her!! & here's hoping that her appointment goes well & that friday brings good news for us & i'm just a slightly worried anxious new mom with a healthy growing baby that just hasn't needed to see the doctor that often..... :)

time in virginia

gotta catch up my posts on my visit home, visit to florida & journey back to guam! ok, so i had a great time in va, eating fresh veggies from my mom's garden, shopping for maternity clothes, having my mom, who's a certified reiki master perform some reiki on me, going with my sister to her doctor's visit, which is a funny story...... so i think it was maybe both our 16 week & ash had her appointment & i wanted so badly to ask the doc to listen to my baby's heartbeat too, but i kinda chickened out at the last minute...... but ash & i both took note & gave each other the mischievous eye when the doc put the stethescope (?) back in the drawer on his way out. but then decided not to "play doctor" because we were sure we would break the heartbeat listening contraption & have a nurse walk in on us & wonder what the heck these two crazy women were doing. but we heard one baby heartbeat & it was great!

so toward the end of my stay i had a special visit from jeff's sister & her husband & my two nephews! mayer & i are best buds, but it was my first time meeting grayson, the newest addition.... we had a nice day together & they are moving to germany in a few weeks, so it was wonderful i was able to see them before they left!

my nephew mayer & me - we had so much fun playing around!

the whole crew (slightly blurry, but it's us)

my new nephew grayson, the happiest baby ever!

on my other side (my sister's son), my nephew cohen..... pool day!

and then my sister threw me a baby shower! it was great seeing my family & getting sweet little baby gifts. it's funny trying to shop without knowing the gender, we ended up with lots of duck themed items.....

my sister, nephew cohen & me

momma & me (the clothes pins are from the don't say the word "baby" game.... at this point i was winning, but shortly after this photo i got taken by my cousin who won the game)

the 3 preggies.... my sister ashely, my cousin april (who just gave birth to her beautiful girl emery!) & me

the centerpiece that broke my camera (more on that after the photos), but this is a special centerpiece.... it's been in the family since my granny was pregnant. & it's been at every baby shower in the family since!

this is only about half of the duckie goods..... i still have lots of stuff at my mom's that she's shipping...... but it gives you an idea......

& i broke our camera! i think back on all the times i took it to the beach, was a little tipsy from too many margaritas, all the other clumsy times i slugged that camera around & what a stupid time for it to finally break.... i was taking a picture of the centerpiece at the shower & dropped it right smack on the lens...... & i was sober! it was mildly upsetting because i knew i wouldn't be able to take any photos in florida....... oh well, these things happen. & jeff got us a good deal on a new camera that we like better anyway, so......

well, next post i'll finish up my time in florida & the fun time i had trying to get back to guam!