well, it's september

& this means 2 things...... i have a whole new month to try something new (aka keep working on last months epic fail - click for the link) & that the worst is almost over. i am a week & a half into knee surgery recovery & it's going well ?!?! ...... my knee feels great, but it really is a struggle for me & all those trying to help me & lena. but we're getting through it & the time on crutches is only (hopefully) 2 & a half weeks left at this point. & the other worst almost over part of all this is that jeff will be coming back from deployment soon. it's not soon enough but it's close enough to really think about it & start to get excited! so i have to keep working on my positivity (even though i'm hobbling around on one leg, lena & i are both sick with colds) - just had to vent - but there are good things going on & we'll get through this & it's all temporary. so i just have to keep reminding myself to keep it in perspective.

could always be worse

ok, so found out about my knee..... will be needing surgery. the good news, i've been through this before (on my left knee).... the bad news, well i have to have surgery again. oh & i didn't have a baby last time. going through 6-8 weeks on crutches is no fun, but i can only imagine how much more difficult it will be trying to care for lena. but the bright side of this is i can still hug her (not having surgery on my arms) & it's only temporary..... it feels like forever when you're in it. but it's really not that long in the grand scheme of things. oh & the 30 days positive thing. i think i lost 2 days in there when i found out about this. oh well. keep trying. today was much better. one thing that is helping me is to think about each moment as i'm in it...... like right now i'm venting, documenting my feelings & what's going on in my world while sitting on my mom's screened in porch while my baby sleeps & i just finished a nice glass of wine..... that is definitely good.

not again....

within the next week & a half i will know whether or not i will need surgery on my knee, my OTHER knee. yes, i've had knee surgery before..... twice.... on my poor left knee, twice. and now, AND NOW, i might be in need of another surgery on my poor right knee. you know, i won't get all into the details & i won't go all pity-party (trust me i have dipped into the pity pool a few times since last week when i injured it, but not now, not here).... i saw the doc today & felt discouraged leaving the hospital, but after i got home all i could think about was the fact that my daughter is healthy & my husband is alive. & that made me smile. i was talking with a friend on the phone & heard about some of the struggles she has had conceiving. & i think about the wounded soldiers who come home with out the use of their limbs or the ones who don't make it home. perspective. yes i'm upset, but i also feel grateful. & humbled. & i try to keep the big picture of this all.... this life, this world, in perspective.