today is ah-mazing!

free at last, free at last, yeah yeah..... but really, i am so free of those crutches & the knee machine. the dreaded knee machine! 7 weeks - done! i am walking & it feels good. today is the official day of freedom, but honestly i cheated & started walking a little on wednesday.... shh...

but yes i logged a whopping 131 hours & 42 minutes on the knee machine. imagine if i had done the prescribed 6-8 hours a day how many more hours that would be??? i think on the best (worst) of days i probably logged about 4-5 hours. but no more i tell ya!!

even though i was tied to this thing for 7 weeks, it really did help! ;)

it feels great & it's a beautiful fall day here! the weekend is supposed to be awesome & i can get out & enjoy it! only thing missing now is my husband..... but the time will come. counting down now..... not much longer!! but then we go back to guam.... which i have mixed feelings about. i strangely miss guam. but i do not want to go back for the holidays.... i want to stay here, watch the leaves change, feel the brisk air, see my breath in the cold, celebrate the holidays for realsies with the correct season. not hot jungle. just doesn't go. but we have one last thanksgiving & christmas & then we're off to somewhere that hopefully has seasons (4 of them)

where lena can bundle up like this.....

such a cute snuggle bunny!!

well, it's september

& this means 2 things...... i have a whole new month to try something new (aka keep working on last months epic fail - click for the link) & that the worst is almost over. i am a week & a half into knee surgery recovery & it's going well ?!?! ...... my knee feels great, but it really is a struggle for me & all those trying to help me & lena. but we're getting through it & the time on crutches is only (hopefully) 2 & a half weeks left at this point. & the other worst almost over part of all this is that jeff will be coming back from deployment soon. it's not soon enough but it's close enough to really think about it & start to get excited! so i have to keep working on my positivity (even though i'm hobbling around on one leg, lena & i are both sick with colds) - just had to vent - but there are good things going on & we'll get through this & it's all temporary. so i just have to keep reminding myself to keep it in perspective.

third times a charm

well, i had my knee surgery monday & i think it went really well. i had previously had 2 surgeries on the left knee & those went ok.... if you don't count the sickness from anesthesia or the fact that it usually takes 3 nurses & 2 collapsed veins before anyone can get the IV in me (darn rolling veins). but this time was great, the nurse got the IV in the first time, no painful poking & prodding like before & i woke up from the anesthesia not feeling groggy & there was no puking! yay! lena did great, she went with me & grammy to the hospital & she napped, snacked & was a really good girl the whole time we were there! & now we're staying at my mom's friend's house while they're away on vacay for 2 weeks. & this is a lifesaver because it's all one floor (no stairs!) & lena has a separate room.... which means we're not waking each other up in the middle of the night like we do when we share a room! so now it's just on to recovery - crutches, no driving & percocets for a little while. & then soon daddy will be coming home & we'll be heading back to guam! and fingers crossed the years of ballet abuse have been fixed & i will not be needing anymore knee surgeries!

here's a pic of my leg in my knee machine.... it is a range of motion machine that i'm suppose to use 6-8 hours a day! who has time for that? i think i've managed to get in 4.5 hrs, not bad with a little one around!

could always be worse

ok, so found out about my knee..... will be needing surgery. the good news, i've been through this before (on my left knee).... the bad news, well i have to have surgery again. oh & i didn't have a baby last time. going through 6-8 weeks on crutches is no fun, but i can only imagine how much more difficult it will be trying to care for lena. but the bright side of this is i can still hug her (not having surgery on my arms) & it's only temporary..... it feels like forever when you're in it. but it's really not that long in the grand scheme of things. oh & the 30 days positive thing. i think i lost 2 days in there when i found out about this. oh well. keep trying. today was much better. one thing that is helping me is to think about each moment as i'm in it...... like right now i'm venting, documenting my feelings & what's going on in my world while sitting on my mom's screened in porch while my baby sleeps & i just finished a nice glass of wine..... that is definitely good.

not again....

within the next week & a half i will know whether or not i will need surgery on my knee, my OTHER knee. yes, i've had knee surgery before..... twice.... on my poor left knee, twice. and now, AND NOW, i might be in need of another surgery on my poor right knee. you know, i won't get all into the details & i won't go all pity-party (trust me i have dipped into the pity pool a few times since last week when i injured it, but not now, not here).... i saw the doc today & felt discouraged leaving the hospital, but after i got home all i could think about was the fact that my daughter is healthy & my husband is alive. & that made me smile. i was talking with a friend on the phone & heard about some of the struggles she has had conceiving. & i think about the wounded soldiers who come home with out the use of their limbs or the ones who don't make it home. perspective. yes i'm upset, but i also feel grateful. & humbled. & i try to keep the big picture of this all.... this life, this world, in perspective.