things not to forget

little bean....  you're almost 19 months!  how/ why does it go so fast?!  you are amazing & i find myself wanting to pause time & always remember you just as you are at this time.  i do want you to grow up, but it's bittersweet.  i will love all the ages & stages you pass through, but it does go by fast....  :(

-you are so loving, you give so many hugs....  you come up to me & give me hugs, you hug the animals in your books, you hug your friends (& some are even starting to hug you back!)
-you love it when we say no.....  it seems to be your motivation, to get mom & dad all worked up, laugh & keep doing more of whatever it is we want you to stop doing....  annoying for us, but also hard to be upset when you're so giggly
-you are constantly exploring, you are not afraid, you are super brave & strong & if you get hurt, you don't let it stop you from trying (please always keep these qualities)
-your hair has really started growing!
-you brush your own hair & teeth & like to help get yourself dressed & undressed
-your communicating skills are improving....  you're not saying many more words, but you listen & respond very well to what we say & you have your own little sounds that confirm, question or disagree with us when we are talking to you....
-you love bubbles & are really trying to figure out how to blow
-your always busy, busy with the magnets, busy with your scarves, busy with mommy's flip flops, busy with daddy's wallet, busy with the amelie dvd case (what is it about that one, huh?), you want to understand, play with, explore everything!  i love that about you!
-you are silly, you put random things on your head or up to your face & look at us to make us laugh

there are so many moments that are just so amazing!  you my dear are amazing, you are the light in our lives, you make us so happy.....  we love you!

playing with sidewalk chalk paint we made

grinning on your slide

click here for a link to an article that captures the idea of wanting to freeze time but ultimately letting go to grow.....  a beautiful read.

here's a video of you laughing at dinner....  you had started making these funny faces where you open your mouth real wide & giggle, you're a total goof ball!!

things not to forget

lena beana,
you are almost 18 months old!  crazy!
-you are saying more words - butterfly, turtle, airplane are a few of the recent ones (you still prefer to babble in your own language, but have figured out how to mimic more of our sounds - we'll keep working on more english words, but you're learning!)
-you hug your friends & blow kisses (only to mommy, daddy & once to grammy on skype)
-you like to test us & laugh hysterically (& run away from us) when we tell you no (not so fun)
-when i ask you to find items in your picture book you point to them
-you still love reading & pick out your books for us to read to you
-the eating is getting better & you are drinking & liking milk more
-you can take off your socks & pants
-you are trying to jump (i don't think you know what it is - i've never really shown you - but you like to bend really far down & spring up quickly)
-you do the same kinda thing in the pool - you'll bend down so low in the water, almost to your chin & pop right up (kinda scares mommy i must admit)
-you also do this super cute ballerina move where you are leaning to one side & lifting the other leg up while looking at something or in deep thought.....  you got pretty good balance kid!

we love you, we love you, we LOVE you!  can't tell you how much!

things not to forget

ok, so little one, you are 15 months old! it is so crazy! you are walking/ running up a storm, babbling non-stop, discovering new & awesome stuff everyday! you make daddy & i smile all the time & we talk about how awesome you are everyday (& we call you our little best friend)! you really are such a cool little person! we LOVE you!!!!

here are some of your latest & greatest....

-you say "uh-oh" when you drop something

-you will walk & squat down a little like you're looking for something - it's adorable!

-you are dancing (bopping your head & doing your plies)

-i feel like you understand us so well. you may not be saying many words (in english) but you understand the things we say!

-you try to put our flip flops on your feet, then on your hands & on your arms & then you wear them around like a bracelet

-you know where nose, eye, mouth, ear, hand, & feet are & will point to them when we ask you

-you point to things a lot & when you're really excited you have a look of amazement on your face - your eyes are huge, your mouth opens wide, you point & say "OH!" - we love it!

-you love hearing the airplanes & pointing out the window to them (or up to the sky - you've got sharp eyes too, because you frequently see the plane before mommy)

-you love being outside, playing & exploring

-you are so adventurous & curious, you have a real strong desire to see, learn, interact & figure things out

-you love reading - you spend a lot of time at your bookshelf looking through your books & you'll also bring books to us so that we'll sit you on our laps & read them to you

-you give hugs & sigh & hmmm when we hug & snuggle

we love you so much my dear! you are our light, you make us so happy & we are cherishing every moment we have! you are awesome!!

i heart

my heart is with these mountains..... i love the blue ridge! there is something just so special about this area. maybe it's different when you're from here, i dunno. but i really miss it when i'm gone. look at how beautiful!!

things not to forget

lena is 9 months old..... where does the time go???

here are a list of the wonders of lena.....

i love how you hold my hand while you're nursing

you've started pulling up (& letting go!) & you're taking steps

you are a great crawler

you're getting another tooth ... bottom left side, beside the two middles - this makes 6!!

we say "bird" & you look out the window to the bird feeder

you are curious, very very curious..... you have to see, touch, taste everything!

you shake your head no when you don't want anymore food

you wave (at appropriate times & also just on your own when you feel like it)

you bring your hands together & haven't made the clap sound but you're working on it

you are still so interested in the dog & cat & sometimes you & the dog have screeching/ howling matches

you giggle..... a lot

you stop what you're doing, listen & smile when you talk to daddy on the phone

you hold your sippy with both hands & tilt it back like a frat boy at a kegger .... you love some water!

favorite foods - bread, pasta, cheese, broccoli, peaches, avocado, & mango

you don't like - pineapple or strawberries too much (weirdo)

love you beaner!!

things not to forget

so i kinda have stopped doing the whole update every month/ doc visit thing with lena. but i don't want to forget anything, especially these moments i find myself cherishing so much. they pass so quickly.... (you just turned 7 months old last week!)

so dear sweet lena, (my future self & my few readers) here are some wonderful things that i hope to always hold on to in my heart.......

your angelic sweet sleeping face

the way you rock back & forth trying to get the crawling thing down

you sit all on your own, but still working on getting there by your self

your crossed feet & ankles when you are on your knees, you sit just like daddy does

the way you raise your eyebrows while you're nursing

when you reach out for me for me to hold you

the nuzzles you give me while i hold you

those big, curious, intense blue eyes

your high chair hand banging & feet kicking when you're delighted about eating or the in between bites boredom

your soft soft light hair fuzz that reminds me of a newly hatched little chick

when you go to the "daddy cube" in your crib before every nap, as if to have some snuggle time with just him

the way you love feeding yourself puffs, so much that i had to start giving you a few at a time, because my dear, you would go after all the puffs on the tray & put them all in your mouth, making sure there were none on the tray before you started "chewing" & swallowing them

your sentences & sounds..... lots of "niyy", "eeerr", "aaayy", "tthhhhsssss" & you say them all with such conviction

the way you giggle when i hold you over my head, spin you around & give you kisses & raspberries on your neck

your intense fascination with the trees, plants, shrubs, anything green..... grammy says you'll be an arborist....

your smiles

your sweet smell

your baby breath - you have such sweet breath, even in the mornings, hahaha!

the way you (mostly) calm down & stop crying when you're in my arms

i love you so much my dear, you are growing so fast, i wish daddy was here to share all of these moments with us...... but there will be more.

lena waking from her nap, next to daddy with her legs sticking out the slats

flitting fairies

last weekend we had the great honor of participating in our friend lisa's wedding! she is a wonderful friend from the dance world who i've made some fond memories with over the years! she & rob had a midsummer's night themed wedding & lena & i were among the many beautiful fairy attendants present! we all flitted through the forest in her back yard, with bike riding & trampoline-ing, story telling, and dancing, lots of dancing! i wish i had taken more photos, but i was holding a baby fairy most of the time, but this will give you an idea.... it was a wonderful celebration & reflection of two incredible people deeply in love! a special night!

the beautiful bride

flitting through the forest

my fairy

(photos above by eric brady)

little flower fairy

with our friend beth

the couple riding off into the sunset ;)

my friend shaleigh

vanessa... a bit blurry, but still beautiful

shals heading down to the strobe light bike disco

one month birthday!

yay Lena! you just had your one month birthday! you are more & more beautiful each day! here are some highlights.......

*you weighed 9 pounds 14 ounces at the doctor last week

*you are sleeping better at night

*you're not as fussy - don't think you're colicky, i think you were just going through a growth/ gassy phase

*you are so funny when you wake up - you stretch & throw your head back & stick your little butt butt way out & make the cutest funny face

*you also make the cutest face when you're peeing & pooping - still hoping to catch it on film soon - the face that is..... ;)

*you have had some great bonding time with grammy while she's been visiting

*you have counted to 5 on your fingers - not sure you know what you're doing but i do.....

*you smiled a real smile at me & it melted my heart

i love you sweet Lena, you are the world to me & i love you more than i ever thought i could

2 weeks old

little Lena, you are 2 weeks old today! i can't believe how fast the time has gone by! you are super precious & we fall more & more in love with you each day! you had your 2 week check up today & are back to your birth weight & gained almost an inch in length! here are some current Lena highlights......

*you do not fit into newborn clothes, your long legs simply won't fit

*you wear 0-3 months

*you are breast feeding well

*you like to pee & poop on the scale at the doctors office (& on the changing table at home)

*your umbilical cord stump fell off last night

*you are still mostly bald with a soft dusting of peach fuzz (super soft)

*you like car rides & being on walks in the stroller

*you do not like sleeping at night (this one we gotta work on....)

*when you do sleep you do the cutest things with your hands & arms (very articulate little girl)

*you managed to flip yourself onto your tummy once when you were sleeping (very advanced, but scary for mommy & daddy - doc says to use a sleep positioner)

*we love holding you & spend a lot of time just looking at you & how beautiful you are

thanks for being our sweet baby girl, we are so grateful that you are here in our lives! we love you SO very much!!

being silly with daddy, you burrowed your head into his stinky pits.....

my heart

happy valentine's day.....

jeff & i went to eat at cali pizza kitchen, delicious! & before that we ventured back to where it all started for us in guam..... the westin. we went to the bar for cocktails.... beautiful view of the ocean & nice martinis..... good conversation, perfect for date night. we had deep conversation about family, career, guam, our futures...... i think we both are in adaptation modes with our lives. trying to figure it all out.

& my heart. i really really love my family..... & i've been away from them forever, living apart since my sophomore year of high school..... so it's nothing new that i'm not living in my hometown with my family close by. i think more than distance it's an age thing. i'm at the point now where i feel close to my family, more than ever before. mine & jeff's. i'm super duper close with jeff's parents & so my relationship with them also factors into this emotional babble too. & i've never thought this way before, but i'm actually thinking that if we don't have our own children, we'll miss out on a huge part of life..... no graduations, no weddings, no grand children. we have nephews & a new one is due any day now. (his sister was having contractions yesterday- so i mean literally... ANY DAY) but, i want to add to this beautiful family we're a part of. the branches of this huge family tree beckon to me & whisper words of beautiful responsibility...... does that make sense? i don't want to fall short. i'm physically so far removed & have always played the role of the outsider, & now my age is clearing my mind & pointing the path towards reconnecting to my roots.

so corny. gosh. but it's valentine's day & this is my heart speaking & i'm not gonna censor for the fact that this glass of vino has persuaded me not to. & it's freaking valentine's day. so there.

ps. jeff's surprise was a key necklace from tiffany's. we have yet to purchase it, but he got it for me...... he has the key to my heart & i have his. ugh, too sacchrine sweet.

3 years and 7 months ago

a blast from the past......

engagement photos 06, a year after we met

we met in march 05 & talked marriage in may

got engaged in august & then married the following july

love, appreciation & transitions

wow, just spent like 4 hours trying to get video footage off of imovie & onto dvds. putting all those performances of nutcrackers, dracula, les sylphides, my choreography, etc. away in a safe place. it took forever, was supposed to complete some assignments for my last class & didn't get a chance because of this..... i'm such a slacker.

now to the real reasoning behind this post. during all of this video dance reminiscing, i came across a little clip of my awesome husband (who would totally kill me if i was to post it) & i'm at this place where i've been so in love with dance since i was 5 years old, it defined me, it was my life.... still is........... & i'm facing the transition, the unknowing, the loss of my first true love. but i've found something equally worthy, my husband. i haven't known him as long, but he is more a part of me than anything other than dance..... & he doesn't make my feet hurt. so he's totally a keeper.

but i miss him, this video brought so much up for me, things i don't always face now, because it's hard. i don't wake up & think about all the things i love about j & why i want to spend my life with him. it's in me of course, but knowing there is something important/ vital missing & has been for about 8 months........ keeping the focus there would break me down even more. so i, like many others, find the strength to go on, feeling lucky to have someone so important in your life, but knowing you have to survive without them at times.

& so the switch will happen, i'll get my baby back & dance might be gone. and that's ok. more than ok. i don't want to be defined by either dance or my husband, but those are things that without, i would not be who i am. so.....

i feel blessed to know what brings value to my life. i feel lucky that the things i love & cherish & make sacrifices for..... bring me the most joy & happiness. i want to do whatever it is to make these things in my life grow & be present with me. & neither the two are ever absent..... they are always a part of me. even during these transitions & absences.