the struggle to get going

i'm gonna lose it. i was just transfered to every office on base, for some reason no one knew what i was talking about. i just need an application for a no-fee passport. eventually got transfered to someone who at least knew what i was talking about, but she ended up emailing me an application for a passport renewal form82, i need form1056. i found the freakin application on line, so one problem solved.

next issue is that about 3-4 weeks ago i sent off a renewal for my civilian passport- had to update my married name. it's still being processed, the woman who i spoke with today said i needed to have that passport when applying for the no-fee. i'm running out of time here. we're looking at 5 weeks right now, with process times 4-6 weeks. j has had people from his end say that i just need the form, my birth certificate & 2 photos to start processing the no-fee. this woman today said i needed different items. i've read that you absolutely cannot go overseas until you have your no-fee & then j's people say i should be ok, as long as it's being processed & i have my civilian passport.

i'm so frustrated.

love, appreciation & transitions

wow, just spent like 4 hours trying to get video footage off of imovie & onto dvds. putting all those performances of nutcrackers, dracula, les sylphides, my choreography, etc. away in a safe place. it took forever, was supposed to complete some assignments for my last class & didn't get a chance because of this..... i'm such a slacker.

now to the real reasoning behind this post. during all of this video dance reminiscing, i came across a little clip of my awesome husband (who would totally kill me if i was to post it) & i'm at this place where i've been so in love with dance since i was 5 years old, it defined me, it was my life.... still is........... & i'm facing the transition, the unknowing, the loss of my first true love. but i've found something equally worthy, my husband. i haven't known him as long, but he is more a part of me than anything other than dance..... & he doesn't make my feet hurt. so he's totally a keeper.

but i miss him, this video brought so much up for me, things i don't always face now, because it's hard. i don't wake up & think about all the things i love about j & why i want to spend my life with him. it's in me of course, but knowing there is something important/ vital missing & has been for about 8 months........ keeping the focus there would break me down even more. so i, like many others, find the strength to go on, feeling lucky to have someone so important in your life, but knowing you have to survive without them at times.

& so the switch will happen, i'll get my baby back & dance might be gone. and that's ok. more than ok. i don't want to be defined by either dance or my husband, but those are things that without, i would not be who i am. so.....

i feel blessed to know what brings value to my life. i feel lucky that the things i love & cherish & make sacrifices for..... bring me the most joy & happiness. i want to do whatever it is to make these things in my life grow & be present with me. & neither the two are ever absent..... they are always a part of me. even during these transitions & absences.

W & L residency

so my hubby ran across this poster today. looking forward to working with the dancers next week. i'm gonna have to get alot done in a short amount of time. i like working under pressure. (only slight sarcasm intended)

in other news, my hubby also had a briefing today about THE MOVE...... well, apparently we have to fly out of baltimore/dc, because that's where tech school is...... which is a nice 1000 miles away from home. & of course the AF won't pay for our travel between tech school & the flight to guam. & we're trying to figure out when/ if to ship the car - our only means of transportation besides j's old bmx bike, which would make for a funny couple of weeks. should we just try to sell the car & hope to buy one there? figuring out how to get home after his graduation, then back to baltimore/dc, how many days of leave should we take, when do the movers come, blah blah blah.

it's crazy amounts of planning. i told j tonight that "this will be the mother of all moves"- our first pcs, overseas, & from tech school (orders coming a mere month - if we're lucky- ahead of time) so the remedy for this overwhelming move is lists, wine, long baths, more lists, more wine & trust that many have been through this before & no matter what, we will get over there.

today made me nostalgic, sad, hesitant to leave?

today my students (almost all of them!) were fantastic! i had three great classes of students focused, involved, excited, positive, invested..... i'll admit a little chatty on occasion, but they were happy & excited & involved in class. this never happens to such a full extent. i wish i had more days of teaching that were like today. i felt so connected to the kids today & at one point one even dropped to her knees, hugged me & said "you can't leave in october ms. amy!!!!" heartbreaking!!!

the other thing that is difficult is seeing casting go up & knowing i'm not going to be a part of the performances. it's hard for me. i still want to perform, heck, i even want to rehearse. i remind myself how painful & tedious it is, but rehearsing & performing are so rewarding & fulfilling. it's what i do.

today was hard.

à droit, à gauche.....

i wish that people could see past politics, past skin color, past ideologies & expectations.... well at least be open to others than their own. it is good to feel confident in your beliefs & to feel connected to others & to associate in whatever way you please, but because something new or different or uncomfortable is around, don't shut off & remove yourself, or your children, ESPECIALLY your children. they need to learn & experience for themselves, yes they should be guided & protected, but they also to need to be free to develop their own identities & understand the world from their individual perspective.

this is so touchy, because i hear the debates in my head & i have my beliefs..... but i certainly am not the one to talk politics with. call on my husband, or my friends on the far right or my friends on the far left.... but besides sides, really doesn't it come down to being able to listen, learn & share? ultimately, that's where it starts.

i might be being a bit vague, so i'll just come out with it.....

parents, don't you want your kids to be responsible, hard working, proud Americans? teachers, don't we all strive to push our students to succeed, to be accountable, to fulfill their talents, dreams & possibilities? i just don't understand why people are so scared of letting their children hear our President's speech that aims to inspire & uplift our children. i really don't get it. i heard his speech, i didn't hear any political agenda. just a plea to us all to support education in America. a promise, that we all we be accountable..... students, teachers, parents, government..... we all need to push ourselves through difficult times. no excuses. we have so much potential & so many opportunities in America that we can & will fulfill. & it amazes me how people claim to be so American & so supportive of our country & then they will turn around & prohibit children from hearing the President's address. that's a bit shameful, we certainly all have different perspectives & beliefs, but when people come across & say that the President's speech is brainwashing & political ideology.... when, IF, they would just listen they probably would be surprised to hear similar thoughts coming from our Commander in Chief. you don't have to agree, but shouldn't you live up to your American duty to at least be present?

just in case you missed it or if you want to read it again....

http://www.whitehouse.gov/MediaResources/PreparedSchoolRemarks/

inside a dance phrase

so, as of now, i'm still working. & today i went into the studio to work on some phrases for an upcoming residency. i don't really think it should be called a residency, because i'm only there wed-sun, but for lack of a better word that's what i'm calling it.

i'm to set a piece on the dancers at washington & lee univ. in va. i get to see my friend jenny who i used to work with at rbt. & i like that i get to create something new before i leave/ take my break from dance.

it's weird to think about not dancing & i have days where i know i'll still dance, maybe in guam, maybe guest gigs, maybe after guam & then there are days where this change really feels permanent, like what if i find something else i want to do, what if we have babies, what if i get so far removed from the dance world i can't come back? i am getting older & after 2 knee surgeries & so many other sprains & pains, it might not be so easy to get my dance back.

but i have today & today i danced.......

here is a clip of a phrase i worked on..... you can find a better version of this video (& more of my choreography) on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/frostargrow

possible title for the piece..... 'inside a day'

Scene 1

So it begins..... been reading a bunch of other great military wives' blogs & am really fascinated by this whole blog thing. also my husband has his up & running again, so i felt inspired & wanted to get my own.

so here we are.....

i am really excited about this huge transition, also scared & frequently overwhelmed, but i feel that's to be expected. j only has about 2 months left at tech school (still waiting on orders- hard to really do anything without them) & then the chaos begins, well, speeds up..... lots to do & i'm trying to frantically finish up all my requirements for my teacher's certification before we ship out, so to speak.

for the 2 of you who've taken the time to read this, you've already figured out i'm probably going to avoid grammatical rules & have some silly misspelled words as well. that's just how i role (haha, get it?)

and now a brief intermission......