a day in pictures

so today i decided to take pictures of everything (well, almost everything) we do. mostly for daddy, so he can feel closer to us & what we're up to while he's gone. but also because i thought today would be pretty interesting..... we had planned on going to an outdoor concert/ food festival kinda thing at a winery about 45 minutes away & then a major rain storm this afternoon made us change our plans. but before that i thought it would be kinda neat because i knew we were gonna go eat indian food for lunch & we hadn't been out to eat in a while (except for some take out from panera once) & then i thought the concert thing would have been interesting... so that's why i chose today. i think i want to do an abbreviated version on a normal day too, maybe a working day, so jeff (& anyone else, bueller, bueller?) can see that version of a day too....

but without further adieu, i present to you.... "a day of photos"

ps. you can click on them to make them bigger....

after waking... a little snuggle time

dressing my little sunflower

breakfast

& prunes it is....

trying to pick up a piece of cherry

grammy's morning goods from the garden

watching daddy read to us

daddy on tv

my silly girl

sleeping beauty

upon waking

at lunch.... indian buffet, yum-o!

& then the rain....

time for gymnastics & laundry

a change of clothes

looking out the window at the rain

lots of rain

caleb wants to drive

can't fit anymore babies back there

my sis & her diet coke...

the hungry kiddos

coloring the plant

potty break

time for night-night

mommy time

not again....

within the next week & a half i will know whether or not i will need surgery on my knee, my OTHER knee. yes, i've had knee surgery before..... twice.... on my poor left knee, twice. and now, AND NOW, i might be in need of another surgery on my poor right knee. you know, i won't get all into the details & i won't go all pity-party (trust me i have dipped into the pity pool a few times since last week when i injured it, but not now, not here).... i saw the doc today & felt discouraged leaving the hospital, but after i got home all i could think about was the fact that my daughter is healthy & my husband is alive. & that made me smile. i was talking with a friend on the phone & heard about some of the struggles she has had conceiving. & i think about the wounded soldiers who come home with out the use of their limbs or the ones who don't make it home. perspective. yes i'm upset, but i also feel grateful. & humbled. & i try to keep the big picture of this all.... this life, this world, in perspective.

guam versus the states

so this post is a long time coming. what that really means i don't know, just wanted to say it, hope i'm using that slang in the right context...... but ANYWAY, since being back in the states for a little while i'm really noticing the differences between guam and here. i think it's kinda funny...... so a little comparison is in order...

on the phone :

in guam someone calls & gets the wrong number the conversation on the other side usually sounds a little like this.... "hello, is fabien there?" "oh, no fabien?" "really, i thought i was calling fabien" "well, do you sell cows?" "are you sure?" ...... really you have to ask if i'm sure, like i'm hiding some secret cow farm from you..... really??

in the us it's more like "oh i'm sorry" & then they hang up when you tell them they have the wrong number.... no 5 minute conversation about how i might or might not sell cows.....

on the street:

in guam the fastest you can go is around 35 miles, with people not using the passing lane for passing or the turning lane for turning

in the us you get honked at & given the finger if you don't turn from the turning lane or if you're sitting in the passing lane blocking up traffic..... oh & there are interstates over here...... for those with a need for speed :)

in the grocery store:

in guam everything is shipped frozen & it takes forever, so some stuff like my favorite ice cream cones get melty & then are refrozen, so when you go to take a bite out of your ice cream cone, you get a soggy, mushy cone (it's the little things)

in the us i get a crunchy cone every time..... loving it! oh & the fact that the produce is fresh & plentiful

in the public:

in guam people are super friendly & nice & most military are respectful & kind as well, kind of an extended family type of feeling

here in the us people won't open doors, won't say thank you when you do, & true story - won't even smile back when you offer a friendly smile to the customer in line in front of you at target...... rude lady that actually glared at me, i'm pointing at you!

so i'm sure i'll revisit this theme, because there are some things i really like about guam - the people, the beach, soccer, the culture & then other things like my ice cream cones & the fact that i'm a $1500 flight away from family (& target) really make guam a hard place to be sometimes..... but no matter what i'm happy for the experience & it does make me appreciate both sides of things..... :)

things not to forget

so i kinda have stopped doing the whole update every month/ doc visit thing with lena. but i don't want to forget anything, especially these moments i find myself cherishing so much. they pass so quickly.... (you just turned 7 months old last week!)

so dear sweet lena, (my future self & my few readers) here are some wonderful things that i hope to always hold on to in my heart.......

your angelic sweet sleeping face

the way you rock back & forth trying to get the crawling thing down

you sit all on your own, but still working on getting there by your self

your crossed feet & ankles when you are on your knees, you sit just like daddy does

the way you raise your eyebrows while you're nursing

when you reach out for me for me to hold you

the nuzzles you give me while i hold you

those big, curious, intense blue eyes

your high chair hand banging & feet kicking when you're delighted about eating or the in between bites boredom

your soft soft light hair fuzz that reminds me of a newly hatched little chick

when you go to the "daddy cube" in your crib before every nap, as if to have some snuggle time with just him

the way you love feeding yourself puffs, so much that i had to start giving you a few at a time, because my dear, you would go after all the puffs on the tray & put them all in your mouth, making sure there were none on the tray before you started "chewing" & swallowing them

your sentences & sounds..... lots of "niyy", "eeerr", "aaayy", "tthhhhsssss" & you say them all with such conviction

the way you giggle when i hold you over my head, spin you around & give you kisses & raspberries on your neck

your intense fascination with the trees, plants, shrubs, anything green..... grammy says you'll be an arborist....

your smiles

your sweet smell

your baby breath - you have such sweet breath, even in the mornings, hahaha!

the way you (mostly) calm down & stop crying when you're in my arms

i love you so much my dear, you are growing so fast, i wish daddy was here to share all of these moments with us...... but there will be more.

lena waking from her nap, next to daddy with her legs sticking out the slats

daddy's book

here's a (touching) video of lena reading her "daddy's book"..... it's one of those books that you can record your voice reading & daddy recorded it before he left. we just got around to reading it for the first time last week, because, well honestly i couldn't open it & hear his voice reading these sweet words without breaking down. but i got over it, got my mom to record lena & my reactions & am posting it now. it really is a sweet thing to do for your child if you'll be apart for a while.

and in other book reading from afar news.... we got a dvd & a book from daddy in the desert. the uso over there has this great program where the daddys (or mommys) can video tape themselves reading a book & then the uso will make a dvd & send it, along with the book to your kids. so cool! & we watched that today! & again i cried. but lena loves seeing & hearing daddy! we miss you so much! each day is closer to seeing you!

flitting fairies

last weekend we had the great honor of participating in our friend lisa's wedding! she is a wonderful friend from the dance world who i've made some fond memories with over the years! she & rob had a midsummer's night themed wedding & lena & i were among the many beautiful fairy attendants present! we all flitted through the forest in her back yard, with bike riding & trampoline-ing, story telling, and dancing, lots of dancing! i wish i had taken more photos, but i was holding a baby fairy most of the time, but this will give you an idea.... it was a wonderful celebration & reflection of two incredible people deeply in love! a special night!

the beautiful bride

flitting through the forest

my fairy

(photos above by eric brady)

little flower fairy

with our friend beth

the couple riding off into the sunset ;)

my friend shaleigh

vanessa... a bit blurry, but still beautiful

shals heading down to the strobe light bike disco

hey cuz

here are some cute photos of caleb & lena.... & cohen was taking pics right along side ashely & i.... fun afternoon!

lena wants to hold hands, caleb's not so sure...

um, ok sure

caleb, don't let go

oops!

mixing up the head accessories....

cohen participating in the photo shoot

love my sis & her kids!!

a way with relevè

so i'm not sure why i'm at a loss for words about dancing again.... this whole blog is based on the fact that i had to quit my job, move half way across the world & then wasn't able to dance very much. which was/ is a huge transition from the fact that in the almost 30 years prior i was always dancing. and then coupled with the fact that i had a baby & how many changes that brings about.... different body, different mentality, different emotions, desires, priorities..... & now i'm back stateside & have been taking class at least 2 times a week since jeff left (the past 2 weeks) & all i can say is "i'm sore & it's wonderful"???

maybe i'm still processing it all..... in a greater sense that relates to this, i feel like i've lost some of myself. & i think this trip is crucial for bringing ME back. let me explain. i feel like i have fewer interests, i feel more weighed down, i feel less whimsical, less creative, less inspired, i feel less. i think being in guam, not working & not dancing have changed me in such a way. don't know if overall it's good or bad. not sure i can put it in such black & white terms..... i'm just different. but i don't think i'm all the way ok with where i am/ who i am now. i miss being in school, being challenged..... being a stay at home mom is amazing, but i don't think i've found a way to incorporate the things i'm missing that i get from a working environment or educational environment..... i miss the mountains.... & the trees & the flowers & everything that can be found here in the blue ridge.... it's where i'm from & it's part of who i am & i think i'm coming around to acknowledging that i want to be here & stay connected to what this area does for me. i miss dancing of course. i miss the sweat, the pain, the push to get through the last part of the adagio or battement combination that the teacher told us to repeat again. i miss the feel of my foot on the floor doing a tendu & the way my toes feel strong & solid & supple as i close from a degage. i miss the studio floor, i miss the lights, the mirrors, the music..... all of which are different everywhere you go, but somehow still always familiar. i miss opening my arms & feeling me glide through the space during waltz turns. i miss holding the finish after lots of turns & waiting for the room to catch up. i miss it all. & i know that age, location, excuse number one, two or three will change my capacity & ability to dance, but i will continue to fight it, find new ways, take opportunities when i can, to get myself into the studio to stand at the barre & feel what i love.

a fouette a day

so i'm taking ballet classes again.... & it feels great! i feel sore & it's wonderful.

my little flower

sorry those of you who are my friends on facebook too, you'll be getting a double dose of these shots...... but she's so cute it's ok..... :) but for those of you not on facebook, here is a little impromptu flower photo shoot we did yesterday morning. (please excuse the quality, all photos taken with the laptop photo booth)

a girl & her hydrangeas

"oooh, flowers!"

"forget pictures, i want flowers"

ready for the attack

success!!

may delay

so i didn't want the rest of may to feel neglected..... lena has started sitting by herself so i wanted to post a quick little video.... she had been sitting for a while before i started recording (for the record) & now, a few days later she's even better at it. go core strength! she's almost ready for pilates! haha!

also, lena has now been to 2 festivals.... love this area for that. the 1st one was local colors when daddy was here. it's a festival that celebrates different countries & cultures. we went & strolled around & hit up the food... & guess what food we ended up getting? lebanese, mexican, cuban? um.... asian.... meat on a stick & some rice.... sooo guam!! (we miss ya! haha!) so her 2nd festival was one of the bigger ones around here.... festival in the park! we went today & it's not as much fun without daddy, but grammy makes for a pretty fun date too! we had some corn dogs, lemonade, ribbon fries... but i am sad to report didn't get a funnel cake.... so regretting that decision now. but lena stayed awake longer at this one, we saw some juggling & hula hooping & unicycling - all in one act! & some arts & crafts..... local music & dance. it was a nice day & i'm thankful that the roanoke area has lots to offer. excited about floyd fest in august! woohoo blue ridge!

and behold, lena's latest feat!

may hay-day

wow, may was great. it went by in a flash, but it was such a great month. still a few days left, but those don't count. :)

well i talked about mother's day & jeff coming into roanoke to be with us before he deploys. we had such a great time. we explored roanoke, enjoyed the mountains (& food & shopping) & then went to visit jeff's parents in chattanooga. & lena had her first road trip! she did great, slept the whole way basically! jeff's parents got to meet lena for the first time & we all had a great time seeing each other & checking out the city. we went on incline railway... claims to be the world's steepest railway incline.... but yeah, chattanooga was fun. & it was really nice to have that time together with his parents while we could.

at mill mountain star

with the grandparents in chattanooga

in front of the river

looks steep huh?

from tennessee, we left & drove to visit our friends toby & lindsey & their son jackson in north carolina. again lena was a travel champ..... slept the whole time while mommy complained about the lack of space in our sweet little chevy aveo..... wow, 2 adults, one carseat, stroller & luggage make for some seriously cramped quarters. but we survived the 2nd leg of our road trip & had a great few days seeing our friends. we met their son jackson (1 & 1/2) for the first time & he is such a sweet boy! jeff & toby played soccer together in high school & he was jeff's best man at our wedding. toby & lindsey are great friends & we were lucky to plan a last minute visit with them.

the best pic we could get.... the kids weren't having it

future soccer star

and then it was back to roanoke to enjoy the last of jeff's leave before he deployed. we fed lena rice cereal & she did really well eating & had planned on only feeding that to her until she turns 6 months, but decided to incorporate some veggies because A. jeff will get to see her eat & B. she got a bit clogged up..... the girl didn't poop for 3 days! poor thing. so we gave her sweet potatoes & she loved them! & then she pooped the biggest poop jeff & i have ever seen! my mom & bill through a family get together to say farewell to jeff & we got to meet our cousin april's baby emery! she's almost 11 months & such a little doll!

the family & our babies - see a pic of us all pregnant here.... (except zach, that would be weird)

"lemme do it mom!"

and then jeff had to leave. that was the hardest day. saying good bye was the hardest thing i've had to do. it just felt so different than the other times we've been apart. mostly because of lena, & also because he's going to war.... basically. a tearful morning, i tried to stay strong for lena (& myself & jeff), but i couldn't stop crying. we got a gate pass so we could wait with him until he boarded the plane. it felt surreal to say goodbye, people were around, lena was getting tired, it was just weird. but we had several hugs & kisses before i had to take lena in my arms & walk away from the gate, tears streaming down my face. i kept turning around to see him just one more time as i walked through the terminal & he watched, waved & blew kisses to us the whole time. when i got back outside of the security check point my mom was there waiting & there was a lady who had been sitting there earlier before jeff, lena & i left for the gate & i looked at her through my tears & she was crying for us. i wish i had smiled or said something, but at the time i couldn't see jeff anymore & i just felt like i had to flee, i had to get out of there or i was gonna break down. but i appreciate her compassion & empathy.

and now he's gone. & it's just lena & i ..... & mom & bill. & we're trying to make the most of things, getting back on a regular diet (no more restaurant outings), getting lena on a better nap schedule, introducing more veggies - the latest were peas & i can say i don't think she's a fan.

but i did go to ballet class for the first time in about a year. & it felt really good. so i have that to look forward to. i'll write more on dancing again in another post. there will be more of that. but i want to end this post saying that i had a great time with my husband, baby, & extended families & am thankful we're in the states right now & that i have an even stronger appreciation for military families.....

before the drive to the airport

my 1st mommy's day

sunday was my first mother's day! & it was wonderful! saturday jeff had flown into roanoke so we were already in celebratory mode..... so i woke up sunday morning to my husband & baby & everything just felt right. we celebrated with my mom & bill by going for brunch. & then we grilled out later & ashely & the boys came over. it was a great day! & we'll celebrate again when we see jeff's mom in tennessee this weekend. we're driving from virginia & they're driving from florida & we're meeting half way so they can meet lena & see jeff before he deploys. but let's not talk about that. we're still enjoying time together as our little family of 3 right now......

my sweet girl

my loves

3 generations

so i guess i don't need 27 diapers & other things i learned

like that lena loves the ittsy-bittsy spider song, repeated over & over again

and that people on an airplane are not phased by a crazy woman singing the ittsy-bittsy spider song over & over again as she rocks back & forth in her seat the entire flight

and that i can change a diaper on top of the toilet in a teeny tiny lavatory during turbulence, as well as pee while holding a child in a teeny tiny lavatory during turbulence

and that i no longer have the time or energy to be worried about what other people think of me as i do what i have to do for my daughter - including wearing poo covered jeans for 15 hours & having spit up all over my shirt as i walk around LAX & taking up the entire walkway as i push a stroller & a luggage cart through customs in hawaii

and most importantly that there are many, many kind, helpful & understandable people in this world

& i feel very accomplished (as noted in the picture - horrible hair, glasses, poo pants & all)...... i survived 27 hours of international travel all by myself with a 4 & 1/2 month old! & it went much better than i had been envisioning in the several weeks/ months prior to our departure. lena was amazing during the trip, she slept most of the time, only cried during take off on 3 of the flights & at the gate in LAX & chicago.

what a life experience. & i send a huge thank you to the navy guy who helped me navigate through customs in hawaii, the military wife who was behind me as we had to go through security AGAIN in hawaii, jim (retired air force - sensing a pattern here) & lisa who tried to convince the boarding guy to let me on before 1st class in hawaii, the woman from saipan who sat next to me & gave me gum on the flight from hawaii to LAX, the german couple who also tried to convince the boarding guy to let me board first in LA, the couple from roanoke who at first gave me a dirty look as i rolled up to the gate area with a crying baby, but later offered to help as we waited to board in chicago. and all the many others who kept their rolling eyes or irritated comments to themselves & to the others who were patient as i struggled with baby, stroller, carrier, 3-1-1 bag, breast milk, lap top, shoes, 2 carry on bags and all during the security check points.

i am pleased to determine the trip a success. yes she cried, yes she had a blow out, yes she peed all over herself, me & the changing table somewhere above the pacific ocean, yes i had to sing in front of people, yes i smelled like baby poo & b.o by the time we got to roanoke, & yes i barely had anything to eat for like 30 hours, but i was a happy camper & i think lena was too.

for 3 of the 4 flights we had the entire row to ourselves.... maybe it was because i called ahead & spoke to someone to arrange our seats ahead of time, maybe it was all the rocking & singing (the guy next to us on the flight from guam to hawaii asked to be reseated), maybe it was purchasing extra legroom seats, maybe all of the above, but it was awesome to spread out & not worry about someone elbowing my child in the head & to have a place to stash all the extra stuff.

and man, were there ever a lot of extra stuff. i did pack 27 diapers & probably only used 12. i had tylenol, gas drops, thermometer, saline drops, extra clothes (which was the only thing i really did use), extra bibs & burp cloths, extra shirts for me (which i needed, but never got around to changing - it was hard enough trying to pee with a baby, much less change clothes)..... but we made it & now are dealing with the jet lag. the first night was the worst, 3 & 1/2 hours of non-stop crying, the second night was better- we were awake again from 1-4am, but not crying the whole time, just playing, singing (again!) & rocking until we both fell asleep. & last night, we were up from 1230 - 2, so it's getting better!

so happy to be here, but we miss daddy! we can't wait to see him when he has some leave in a week or so..... & then he's off to the desert. we will miss him so much! but like we proved during the trip, we will get through it!

let's celebrate: 100 & 4 months!

ok, this is my 100th post! & lena is 4 months old! yipee!

here are lena's 4 month updates:

weight: 14.4

forgot what her height was.... i think 25 in??

she's doing well, except for the baby eczema she has..... the nooks of her elbows & knees are so red & we've been using a prescribed lotion & hydrocortisone cream, which works well, but i am hesitant to use the hydrocortisone too much.....

she can roll over both ways, although from her back to her tummy is her favorite & seems easier for her than the other way, but we've seen her kick it from her tummy to her back

she tries really hard to get her foot in her mouth, but it always slips out at the last second

she is interested more in her toys & likes to hold on to them & of course put them in her mouth

she is sleeping well, sometimes she has an early morning awakening (3 or 4am) but usually goes back to sleep after being rocked, but most nights she sleeps 11-12 hours with 3-4 feedings/ diaper changes

she naps a lot less during the day

i think that's about all, gotta make this short, lots to do before we leave.... NEXT WEEK! i can't believe how fast time goes, we'll be heading out to the states so soon!! can't wait to be back!!

willingness

willingness to let go, willingness to learn, willingness to accept...... i am struggling with an overwhelming fear of flying with miss lena..... as well as trying to be malleable as i learn how to be the best mom for lena. & this isn't easy, & it isn't about me. i knew that logically before she was born, but now that she's here it can be difficult to really face the reality that i'm not in control of everything, she is her own person (& by some people's definition "a difficult baby") but she is who she is and it isn't bad. in fact the things that some may see as undesirable can serve as strengths for her one day. but right now she is loud & she is fussy (a lot) & she is sweet & she loves to smile & she loves to cry & scream & she loves to spit up (a lot) & she loves to be entertained & she loves to have the attention on her. really... this kid knows when you are focused on her or not.... if i talk while she's nursing she will stop eating, look up at me & if she's really upset about it, will proceed to cry, but if she's just slightly bothered will give me a look like "mom, be quiet, i'm trying to eat" & then go back to nursing once i'm quiet & looking at her. really.

& yeah, last monday i went to an enlisted spouses meeting at chilli's & thought how nice it would be for her, she likes being out seeing new things, she loves being held & interacting with people.... it'll be a great time. well, as soon as i order she starts to get fussy. so my friend joy takes her & walks her around a bit, but she's not soothing down very well, so i take her & we go outside, but it's really hot so we go in & walk around. well, lena is screaming at the top of her lungs, i'm trying to feed her (maybe she's hungry) but no, she's just tearing at the nursing cover screaming & arching her back, so we continue to walk & it just gets worse, so i take her outside until the waitress can wrap the food up to go & bring me the check. & the whole table of spouses, most of whom are mothers (& there were 3 other "well behaved" babies there) were sympathetic, but i could tell they were kinda floored.... "wow, she's got some lungs" "is she colicky?" "will she take a pacifier?"..... those were just a few of the well meaning comments. but at the time i just wanted to get the hell out of there. it's frustrating, because i don't think there is anything seriously wrong with lena, but i don't know what she wants or needs & she is inconsolable. & it makes me feel like a bad mom. & then she goes home & snuggles & is so sweet. she is an intense baby. & i feel like this is a huge lesson for me. it's like someone is handing me a mirror in the form of my child. i am intense & lena has so many of the same characteristics as i do. very up & down. at one end of the spectrum or the other. & i am so trying to appreciate her for who she is, i'll admit there are times when i wish she was one of those calm mellow babies, but she's not & she is perfect the way she is. it's me who has to change, i need to change my outlook, learn to be more patient, not worry about other peoples opinions (i really do know my child the best out of anyone) & learn to see these trying times as lessons or adventures or times that are really no big deal.... because she is healthy, she is growing, she is learning about the world & i don't want my opinions of what i'd rather her do inform how she develops. i want to accept the way she is & not have any negative emotion cloud how i perceive my daughter.

but i'm still scared to death to get on that plane & travel with her for 24 hours. trying to let it go.... it'll be what it'll be & hopefully i'll never have to see anyone that's on the plane with us ever again....

mastitis, united, & coco's.... oh my!

sorry, lame title.... i tried.

but yep, mastitis... oh boy. got that last week & it hit me hard. it's an infection from breast feeding & i was sick, sick, sick as a dog. throwing up, fever of 103, aches, chills, not fun. but got on antibiotics & immediately started feeling better. not sure how i got it..... i think it's from going to zumba, sweating my toukas off & then sitting in the burger king drive thru for 30 min (it's guam & at 8pm at a fast food drive thru with an old chamorro lady trying to run the joint, it alas, does take 30 minutes) - side note: this is a pretty funny story so i'll backtrack in a minute but this is so OOG (only on guam).... i pull up & wait behind a truck at the squack box for like 10 min, then he pulls up & i can order, ordering an oreo shake for jeff - i was being good - & it takes her a minute, i had to prompt her to make sure she was still there, but after she figures it out & i can, i pull up. then more waiting, about another 15 minutes & then i make it to the window. i get up there & she says "chocolate?" & i say "oreo shake" & she says "with chocolate?" me: "whatever it's made with." her: "we only have chocolate." me, in my head: "why'd you ask?" , out loud: "sure." she goes away, comes back & says "we don't have chocolate. do you want something else?" me: "no." her: "i will just give you cash back (i had paid with debit card, i never have cash) because i don't know how to do a refund"...... so i waited in a burger king drive through for 30 minutes for nothing. SO, this is when i think all that sweat & nasty-work-out-ness caused my inflammation. sitting with my stinky breast pads that long couldn't possibly have been good. but who knows, i just know i don't want to get it again.... or go through the burger king drive thru anymore.....

& yay!! i booked our tickets back to the states! & got the good seats.... for no extra charge! on continental i have the seats with the bassinet hook-up! & on united i have extra leg room! well i had to pay $49 for that one, but it'll be way worth it when the seat in front of me is not compressing us into a big ball of baby, blankets & tray tables.

& coco's island.... jeff swam from guam to the island yesterday! wish lena & i could have gone to watch, but he was gone all day & came home burnt (even though he says he reapplied), so that's no place for a baby.

on a sleep note.... lena's in the crib for the first part of the night again! have yet to see another 7 hours straight, but we get some good sleep time in before the little midnight tap dancer takes over our bed.....

that'll show you

ok, so i shoulda kept my big mouth shut.... after cheerfully sharing, um.... bragging, that lena slept 7 hours straight in her crib on facebook, she has decided to show us who's boss by not sleeping in her crib at night again..... sad face here. yep, that night of 7 blissful hours was followed the next night, by one, yes one hour in her crib & the rest of the night spent back in the big kid bed so us parents could get some sleep. and again last night, same thing.... she won't stay in her crib.... i put her down, she sleeps for about an hour & wakes up & cries. i rock her, put her back down & immediately with the crying again. rock her some more, feed her, put her down.... no bueno..... hmmm......

on a better note, a much cuter, sweet note.... a video of lena laughing! this will melt your heart!

yes!

the past 2 nights have been a success.... she's sleeping in her crib..... but we have yet to see for how long. the night before last, she went down around 9 & i woke her up around 3 to feed her. she was out when i went to get her from the crib. & then last night she went down at 830 & the stupid monitor's battery died around 1230, so i didn't feel ok leaving her in her room by herself without some way of hearing if she was ok. so she came to our bed at that point. BUT, monitors are charged & we are ready for another night! i'm just so happy she is liking her crib! now what are we gonna do when we leave here & go to va? hope she's adaptable!

the good, the bad & the baby

last night was full of 2 notable firsts..... to start, lena is pretty good whenever we're out, not fussy, usually sleeping or at least interested in looking around.... well, that ended last night when jeff & i went to eat at our fav restaurant mermaid tavern (ruby tuesday holds a close second). not shortly after we ordered did the sweet sleepy lena rouse from slumberland & turn into a major fussbutt. ok, she wasn't that bad, but jeff & i had to take turns eating our food as one of us constantly walked her around so she wouldn't start howling again. so the sweet newborn days of constant/ consistent sleep are coming to an end..... ah boy.....

second, & this one is big, lena slept in her crib for part of the night!!!! ok, let me back up & put our embarrassing secret out there. lena sleeps in our bed. gasp! shock! i know, i know, not good.... bad habits, SIDS, accidently elbowing the baby in the head, etc. but it just happened one night when she was around 1 month old & it just was so nice to finally have sleep (she is a fantastic adult bed sleeper) & it was so easy to breast feed & honestly it was so sweet to have her right next to us (she's also a wonderful cuddler). so we kept doing it. & it's great, we all have been sleeping well at nights since she was a month old. (& she hasn't received any el-blows to the noggin.) but in the back of my mind is that little voice saying, "amy, when will she sleep on her own? if you don't start soon, you'll end up with a 5 year old in our bed...." plus i'm also really ashamed to talk about it, but honestly out of the handful of people i've told there has only been one negative commenter, the others have pretty much said, "whatever works for you" ..... to my face & probably much worse behind my back.

SO, anyway, i've been taking baby steps to get her there. starting with consistent napping during the day in her crib. & now that she's comfortable there i think it might be a reality that she'll sleep at night on her own. i put her down last night for a little evening nap at 730 (we all go to bed around 9pm) until she'd wake for the next feeding & then we'd all go to bed together. well 930 rolled around & she was out, so jeff & i just went to bed. took the baby monitor in our room & left lena in hers & i felt certain she'd be awake within a half an hour of us falling asleep, but nope..... she slept until I woke HER up around 1230!!! i just couldn't take it any more, my boobs were rocks & i needed some relief so i had to get her up to feed her, but i wonder just how long she would have slept?

this was surprisingly easy, well for jeff & lena, a little harder for me...... jeff fell asleep right away, but i laid awake most of that time & went in to check that she was still breathing i think at least 3 times. but this is promising! i won't have to go to college with her, she will gain independence!! yay!!

we'll try again tonight & see if she can do it again & then eventually maybe after i nurse her she can go back in the crib & do the whole night sometime soon!! i'll keep you posted! baby steps....

lena video

here is a montage of lena moments age 0 to (almost) 3 months...... she turns 3 months next week, but i couldn't wait any longer to post the video..... here are some highlights of her developments too......

she has started "crawling"... scooting herself backwards!

she kinda does a mini push up in tummy time - can hold herself up on her elbows

she brings things to her mouth with her hands.....

she brings both hands together (she's done this for a while)

she hugs your neck when you are holding her & especially when she's sleepy, she'll nuzzle into your neck & chest

she's blowing little bubbles with her mouth

she is laughing more & very "talkative"

she is much more predictable.... mommy can tell now when she's hungry, tired, bored, etc

she is napping exclusively in her crib!!!! next step is nights.... but for naps i rock her for a minute, put her white noise cd on & put her down in the crib & with her thumb in her mouth she drifts off & sleeps very well now!

she is very interested in new things.... & really likes people watching!

enjoy the video.... there was so much to chose from, but i tried to keep it short & in most of the clips i try to state what age she is, but not all of them.... it's kinda neat to see how big she has gotten in comparison to her play gym! she is gonna be a tall one like her daddy!