class

back at it. that dancing thing. took class last saturday & again today. last week was the 1st class i had taken since surgery. it felt really good. & it was with a guest artist from the philippines who was fantastic. i was sore for almost a week.

& today felt good too. i still love dancing. i wish i was younger. i wish i could still get on stage. i see photos from my friends of their performances & i miss it. i miss performing. i feel like it shouldn't be over for me. i'm gonna be 34 next month. i definitely have friends that are older that are dancing professionally & are amazing, but they never moved to a tiny island in the middle of nowhere & cut all ties, err... pointe shoe ribbons, to the dance world. not that i was really where i wanted to be before the move to guam. i mean i wasn't dancing for royal ballet or anything, but it was my career, my 9-5 & i was on stage & training & at least dancing at a respectable level. with hopes of performing more roles, more ballets, more, more, more? who knows. i'm sure i'll keep taking class, but it's so different when you are preparing for performance...... putting yourself into the story of a ballet, thinking about your character, hearing the same music over & over (or studying that same music over & over - stravinsky, you brilliant crazy composer you)..... going into the theater, the lighting, the dressing rooms..... i miss it. um. yeah. that's all. i just miss it. & i feel like it's over. it happens to everyone at some pointe. i just wish i felt fulfilled, ready for it to be over. that happens right? or do we always want more?