a day in pictures

so today i decided to take pictures of everything (well, almost everything) we do. mostly for daddy, so he can feel closer to us & what we're up to while he's gone. but also because i thought today would be pretty interesting..... we had planned on going to an outdoor concert/ food festival kinda thing at a winery about 45 minutes away & then a major rain storm this afternoon made us change our plans. but before that i thought it would be kinda neat because i knew we were gonna go eat indian food for lunch & we hadn't been out to eat in a while (except for some take out from panera once) & then i thought the concert thing would have been interesting... so that's why i chose today. i think i want to do an abbreviated version on a normal day too, maybe a working day, so jeff (& anyone else, bueller, bueller?) can see that version of a day too....

but without further adieu, i present to you.... "a day of photos"

ps. you can click on them to make them bigger....

after waking... a little snuggle time

dressing my little sunflower

breakfast

& prunes it is....

trying to pick up a piece of cherry

grammy's morning goods from the garden

watching daddy read to us

daddy on tv

my silly girl

sleeping beauty

upon waking

at lunch.... indian buffet, yum-o!

& then the rain....

time for gymnastics & laundry

a change of clothes

looking out the window at the rain

lots of rain

caleb wants to drive

can't fit anymore babies back there

my sis & her diet coke...

the hungry kiddos

coloring the plant

potty break

time for night-night

mommy time

not again....

within the next week & a half i will know whether or not i will need surgery on my knee, my OTHER knee. yes, i've had knee surgery before..... twice.... on my poor left knee, twice. and now, AND NOW, i might be in need of another surgery on my poor right knee. you know, i won't get all into the details & i won't go all pity-party (trust me i have dipped into the pity pool a few times since last week when i injured it, but not now, not here).... i saw the doc today & felt discouraged leaving the hospital, but after i got home all i could think about was the fact that my daughter is healthy & my husband is alive. & that made me smile. i was talking with a friend on the phone & heard about some of the struggles she has had conceiving. & i think about the wounded soldiers who come home with out the use of their limbs or the ones who don't make it home. perspective. yes i'm upset, but i also feel grateful. & humbled. & i try to keep the big picture of this all.... this life, this world, in perspective.

guam versus the states

so this post is a long time coming. what that really means i don't know, just wanted to say it, hope i'm using that slang in the right context...... but ANYWAY, since being back in the states for a little while i'm really noticing the differences between guam and here. i think it's kinda funny...... so a little comparison is in order...

on the phone :

in guam someone calls & gets the wrong number the conversation on the other side usually sounds a little like this.... "hello, is fabien there?" "oh, no fabien?" "really, i thought i was calling fabien" "well, do you sell cows?" "are you sure?" ...... really you have to ask if i'm sure, like i'm hiding some secret cow farm from you..... really??

in the us it's more like "oh i'm sorry" & then they hang up when you tell them they have the wrong number.... no 5 minute conversation about how i might or might not sell cows.....

on the street:

in guam the fastest you can go is around 35 miles, with people not using the passing lane for passing or the turning lane for turning

in the us you get honked at & given the finger if you don't turn from the turning lane or if you're sitting in the passing lane blocking up traffic..... oh & there are interstates over here...... for those with a need for speed :)

in the grocery store:

in guam everything is shipped frozen & it takes forever, so some stuff like my favorite ice cream cones get melty & then are refrozen, so when you go to take a bite out of your ice cream cone, you get a soggy, mushy cone (it's the little things)

in the us i get a crunchy cone every time..... loving it! oh & the fact that the produce is fresh & plentiful

in the public:

in guam people are super friendly & nice & most military are respectful & kind as well, kind of an extended family type of feeling

here in the us people won't open doors, won't say thank you when you do, & true story - won't even smile back when you offer a friendly smile to the customer in line in front of you at target...... rude lady that actually glared at me, i'm pointing at you!

so i'm sure i'll revisit this theme, because there are some things i really like about guam - the people, the beach, soccer, the culture & then other things like my ice cream cones & the fact that i'm a $1500 flight away from family (& target) really make guam a hard place to be sometimes..... but no matter what i'm happy for the experience & it does make me appreciate both sides of things..... :)

things not to forget

so i kinda have stopped doing the whole update every month/ doc visit thing with lena. but i don't want to forget anything, especially these moments i find myself cherishing so much. they pass so quickly.... (you just turned 7 months old last week!)

so dear sweet lena, (my future self & my few readers) here are some wonderful things that i hope to always hold on to in my heart.......

your angelic sweet sleeping face

the way you rock back & forth trying to get the crawling thing down

you sit all on your own, but still working on getting there by your self

your crossed feet & ankles when you are on your knees, you sit just like daddy does

the way you raise your eyebrows while you're nursing

when you reach out for me for me to hold you

the nuzzles you give me while i hold you

those big, curious, intense blue eyes

your high chair hand banging & feet kicking when you're delighted about eating or the in between bites boredom

your soft soft light hair fuzz that reminds me of a newly hatched little chick

when you go to the "daddy cube" in your crib before every nap, as if to have some snuggle time with just him

the way you love feeding yourself puffs, so much that i had to start giving you a few at a time, because my dear, you would go after all the puffs on the tray & put them all in your mouth, making sure there were none on the tray before you started "chewing" & swallowing them

your sentences & sounds..... lots of "niyy", "eeerr", "aaayy", "tthhhhsssss" & you say them all with such conviction

the way you giggle when i hold you over my head, spin you around & give you kisses & raspberries on your neck

your intense fascination with the trees, plants, shrubs, anything green..... grammy says you'll be an arborist....

your smiles

your sweet smell

your baby breath - you have such sweet breath, even in the mornings, hahaha!

the way you (mostly) calm down & stop crying when you're in my arms

i love you so much my dear, you are growing so fast, i wish daddy was here to share all of these moments with us...... but there will be more.

lena waking from her nap, next to daddy with her legs sticking out the slats

daddy's book

here's a (touching) video of lena reading her "daddy's book"..... it's one of those books that you can record your voice reading & daddy recorded it before he left. we just got around to reading it for the first time last week, because, well honestly i couldn't open it & hear his voice reading these sweet words without breaking down. but i got over it, got my mom to record lena & my reactions & am posting it now. it really is a sweet thing to do for your child if you'll be apart for a while.

and in other book reading from afar news.... we got a dvd & a book from daddy in the desert. the uso over there has this great program where the daddys (or mommys) can video tape themselves reading a book & then the uso will make a dvd & send it, along with the book to your kids. so cool! & we watched that today! & again i cried. but lena loves seeing & hearing daddy! we miss you so much! each day is closer to seeing you!

flitting fairies

last weekend we had the great honor of participating in our friend lisa's wedding! she is a wonderful friend from the dance world who i've made some fond memories with over the years! she & rob had a midsummer's night themed wedding & lena & i were among the many beautiful fairy attendants present! we all flitted through the forest in her back yard, with bike riding & trampoline-ing, story telling, and dancing, lots of dancing! i wish i had taken more photos, but i was holding a baby fairy most of the time, but this will give you an idea.... it was a wonderful celebration & reflection of two incredible people deeply in love! a special night!

the beautiful bride

flitting through the forest

my fairy

(photos above by eric brady)

little flower fairy

with our friend beth

the couple riding off into the sunset ;)

my friend shaleigh

vanessa... a bit blurry, but still beautiful

shals heading down to the strobe light bike disco

hey cuz

here are some cute photos of caleb & lena.... & cohen was taking pics right along side ashely & i.... fun afternoon!

lena wants to hold hands, caleb's not so sure...

um, ok sure

caleb, don't let go

oops!

mixing up the head accessories....

cohen participating in the photo shoot

love my sis & her kids!!

a way with relevè

so i'm not sure why i'm at a loss for words about dancing again.... this whole blog is based on the fact that i had to quit my job, move half way across the world & then wasn't able to dance very much. which was/ is a huge transition from the fact that in the almost 30 years prior i was always dancing. and then coupled with the fact that i had a baby & how many changes that brings about.... different body, different mentality, different emotions, desires, priorities..... & now i'm back stateside & have been taking class at least 2 times a week since jeff left (the past 2 weeks) & all i can say is "i'm sore & it's wonderful"???

maybe i'm still processing it all..... in a greater sense that relates to this, i feel like i've lost some of myself. & i think this trip is crucial for bringing ME back. let me explain. i feel like i have fewer interests, i feel more weighed down, i feel less whimsical, less creative, less inspired, i feel less. i think being in guam, not working & not dancing have changed me in such a way. don't know if overall it's good or bad. not sure i can put it in such black & white terms..... i'm just different. but i don't think i'm all the way ok with where i am/ who i am now. i miss being in school, being challenged..... being a stay at home mom is amazing, but i don't think i've found a way to incorporate the things i'm missing that i get from a working environment or educational environment..... i miss the mountains.... & the trees & the flowers & everything that can be found here in the blue ridge.... it's where i'm from & it's part of who i am & i think i'm coming around to acknowledging that i want to be here & stay connected to what this area does for me. i miss dancing of course. i miss the sweat, the pain, the push to get through the last part of the adagio or battement combination that the teacher told us to repeat again. i miss the feel of my foot on the floor doing a tendu & the way my toes feel strong & solid & supple as i close from a degage. i miss the studio floor, i miss the lights, the mirrors, the music..... all of which are different everywhere you go, but somehow still always familiar. i miss opening my arms & feeling me glide through the space during waltz turns. i miss holding the finish after lots of turns & waiting for the room to catch up. i miss it all. & i know that age, location, excuse number one, two or three will change my capacity & ability to dance, but i will continue to fight it, find new ways, take opportunities when i can, to get myself into the studio to stand at the barre & feel what i love.

a fouette a day

so i'm taking ballet classes again.... & it feels great! i feel sore & it's wonderful.

my little flower

sorry those of you who are my friends on facebook too, you'll be getting a double dose of these shots...... but she's so cute it's ok..... :) but for those of you not on facebook, here is a little impromptu flower photo shoot we did yesterday morning. (please excuse the quality, all photos taken with the laptop photo booth)

a girl & her hydrangeas

"oooh, flowers!"

"forget pictures, i want flowers"

ready for the attack

success!!

may delay

so i didn't want the rest of may to feel neglected..... lena has started sitting by herself so i wanted to post a quick little video.... she had been sitting for a while before i started recording (for the record) & now, a few days later she's even better at it. go core strength! she's almost ready for pilates! haha!

also, lena has now been to 2 festivals.... love this area for that. the 1st one was local colors when daddy was here. it's a festival that celebrates different countries & cultures. we went & strolled around & hit up the food... & guess what food we ended up getting? lebanese, mexican, cuban? um.... asian.... meat on a stick & some rice.... sooo guam!! (we miss ya! haha!) so her 2nd festival was one of the bigger ones around here.... festival in the park! we went today & it's not as much fun without daddy, but grammy makes for a pretty fun date too! we had some corn dogs, lemonade, ribbon fries... but i am sad to report didn't get a funnel cake.... so regretting that decision now. but lena stayed awake longer at this one, we saw some juggling & hula hooping & unicycling - all in one act! & some arts & crafts..... local music & dance. it was a nice day & i'm thankful that the roanoke area has lots to offer. excited about floyd fest in august! woohoo blue ridge!

and behold, lena's latest feat!

may hay-day

wow, may was great. it went by in a flash, but it was such a great month. still a few days left, but those don't count. :)

well i talked about mother's day & jeff coming into roanoke to be with us before he deploys. we had such a great time. we explored roanoke, enjoyed the mountains (& food & shopping) & then went to visit jeff's parents in chattanooga. & lena had her first road trip! she did great, slept the whole way basically! jeff's parents got to meet lena for the first time & we all had a great time seeing each other & checking out the city. we went on incline railway... claims to be the world's steepest railway incline.... but yeah, chattanooga was fun. & it was really nice to have that time together with his parents while we could.

at mill mountain star

with the grandparents in chattanooga

in front of the river

looks steep huh?

from tennessee, we left & drove to visit our friends toby & lindsey & their son jackson in north carolina. again lena was a travel champ..... slept the whole time while mommy complained about the lack of space in our sweet little chevy aveo..... wow, 2 adults, one carseat, stroller & luggage make for some seriously cramped quarters. but we survived the 2nd leg of our road trip & had a great few days seeing our friends. we met their son jackson (1 & 1/2) for the first time & he is such a sweet boy! jeff & toby played soccer together in high school & he was jeff's best man at our wedding. toby & lindsey are great friends & we were lucky to plan a last minute visit with them.

the best pic we could get.... the kids weren't having it

future soccer star

and then it was back to roanoke to enjoy the last of jeff's leave before he deployed. we fed lena rice cereal & she did really well eating & had planned on only feeding that to her until she turns 6 months, but decided to incorporate some veggies because A. jeff will get to see her eat & B. she got a bit clogged up..... the girl didn't poop for 3 days! poor thing. so we gave her sweet potatoes & she loved them! & then she pooped the biggest poop jeff & i have ever seen! my mom & bill through a family get together to say farewell to jeff & we got to meet our cousin april's baby emery! she's almost 11 months & such a little doll!

the family & our babies - see a pic of us all pregnant here.... (except zach, that would be weird)

"lemme do it mom!"

and then jeff had to leave. that was the hardest day. saying good bye was the hardest thing i've had to do. it just felt so different than the other times we've been apart. mostly because of lena, & also because he's going to war.... basically. a tearful morning, i tried to stay strong for lena (& myself & jeff), but i couldn't stop crying. we got a gate pass so we could wait with him until he boarded the plane. it felt surreal to say goodbye, people were around, lena was getting tired, it was just weird. but we had several hugs & kisses before i had to take lena in my arms & walk away from the gate, tears streaming down my face. i kept turning around to see him just one more time as i walked through the terminal & he watched, waved & blew kisses to us the whole time. when i got back outside of the security check point my mom was there waiting & there was a lady who had been sitting there earlier before jeff, lena & i left for the gate & i looked at her through my tears & she was crying for us. i wish i had smiled or said something, but at the time i couldn't see jeff anymore & i just felt like i had to flee, i had to get out of there or i was gonna break down. but i appreciate her compassion & empathy.

and now he's gone. & it's just lena & i ..... & mom & bill. & we're trying to make the most of things, getting back on a regular diet (no more restaurant outings), getting lena on a better nap schedule, introducing more veggies - the latest were peas & i can say i don't think she's a fan.

but i did go to ballet class for the first time in about a year. & it felt really good. so i have that to look forward to. i'll write more on dancing again in another post. there will be more of that. but i want to end this post saying that i had a great time with my husband, baby, & extended families & am thankful we're in the states right now & that i have an even stronger appreciation for military families.....

before the drive to the airport

my 1st mommy's day

sunday was my first mother's day! & it was wonderful! saturday jeff had flown into roanoke so we were already in celebratory mode..... so i woke up sunday morning to my husband & baby & everything just felt right. we celebrated with my mom & bill by going for brunch. & then we grilled out later & ashely & the boys came over. it was a great day! & we'll celebrate again when we see jeff's mom in tennessee this weekend. we're driving from virginia & they're driving from florida & we're meeting half way so they can meet lena & see jeff before he deploys. but let's not talk about that. we're still enjoying time together as our little family of 3 right now......

my sweet girl

my loves

3 generations